A Few Nuggets from Coaching
What I've relished learning about coaching so far.
I recently started a coaching certification program through an organization called Co-Active and am learning so much about coaching and about myself. I’ve jumped up around like a breaching dolphin, teared up, shared sweet moments of intimacy with my classmates, rolled my eyes at the content, struggled to think of what to say next, and have witnessed some very moving and transformative moments in our activities and practice coaching. Here’s a few nuggets I’ve relished learning so far:
Clients are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. One of the fears I had as a coach is that I would say “the wrong thing” and my client would completely fall apart or be very hurt by my coaching. In class, we learn that our clients are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole - so nothing we can say will break them, they are not fragile broken baby birds gasping for air, they are whole capable humans. As their coach, I am not fixing them or saving them - and everything we discuss in the session is theirs, not mine.
Blurting: in coaching we learn to follow our intuition, which sometimes means blurting something out when it pops into your head. The interesting part of blurting (other than it often feeling like it goes against our norms of politely avoiding interrupting), is that as the coach, I can blurt something out, but I need to be completely unattached to it. So if I blurt something and my client says “no, that’s not quite how I see it,” then we simply move on, and I need to be unfazed by whether or not my blurt was right.
Brainstorming: we learned how to brainstorm in an expansive way where there are no wrong answers. One method we practiced is: after every idea say “what I love about that is…” to validate the client and help stoke the flames of ideation.
The power of silence: in class we learn to ask a short question (seven words or less) and then do the most difficult thing, say nothing and receive the response or sit in the silence if there is no response. Often when there is a pause, my instinct is to ask another question right away or to elaborate on my question, so this is surprisingly challenging to practice.
Coaching is not therapy, which looks backwards and through the lens of psychology and mental illness and wellness. Coaching looks forward and through whatever lens you choose (whether it’s gratitude, Thai food, a dead rat, your ancestors, or sweatpants), and you get to change your lens as much as you want.
It’s all about the client and what the client gets out of the session. If my client uses a metaphor (For example: they tell me they feel like a snake slithering through tall grass) and I have no idea what they actually mean, it doesn’t matter. As long as the client is learning something or evoking transformation, I’m doing my job as the coach. One of the hardest parts of coaching for me is being able to let go of the curiosity to understand and the craving to fix it and give advice, and to instead just sit with my client and center them and their experience instead of myself.
Dancing in the moment: the best coaches don’t take copious notes or do the same thing over and over, or even follow the guidebook…instead they are present and in the moment with their client and leaning into what is here now.
Are you or someone you know curious to learn more about coaching?
I’m currently looking for new clients! Please email me for more info and a free sample session. (And if we’re friends it would be weird for me to be your coach, I have lots of coaching friends I’d love to connect you with.)
Love the 7 words or less question asking! Sounds like a good challenge.